Frustration

Okay, so... My dad's been great, but my stepmom and my real mom have proven to be kindof jerkwads lately.  My mother insists that I was born into a female body for a reason related to a former life, and need to learn some kind of 'lesson' from it.  And the worst part of it is that I'm such a pushover to her that she's making me doubt myself.  Undoubtedly, that would please her.

The point is, reader, that I don't want my mother to hate me for making a transition.  But I want her to care enough about me to read the materials I send her.  She says that the issue is mine, and that she doesn't need to read the material to understand.  But the point is, gender dysphoria is my issue, but the transitioning process requires support and love from people who will respect my decision.

I am nearly 30 years old, burdened by debt.  I've been called a rapist, I've lived alone and with friends.  I've been to college and failed.  I've faced crushing depression and blazing happiness.  I have lived much of my life and continue to do so.  The thing that gets me the most is how happy I am right now.  Even though I'm angry because my own mother is not supporting me, it's anger.  Not depression.  I'm cheerful, wanting to go outside and play.  But... despite that cheerfulness and that internal peace, I'm antsy about my body.  I'm working out and getting healthy but I don't look the way I feel, and I won't until I have hormones and surgery.

I feel so much better when I get accidentally 'Sir'ed.  I want to pass fairly well before I go on T.  I've ordered a second binder, in hopes that I will look slightly more masculine with it on.  I'm slowly changing my wardrobe over, as well.  I have a therapy appointment next week on Tuesday, and I'm pleased to report that it'll be my second one.  Hopefully I'll be able to make some kind of breakthrough.  I am looking for community, trying to find the transguys in the area that can tell me about what they went through and can help me deal with my mother's lack of support.